Why Play Might Be the Most Important Thing You’re Not Doing (Your Thursday Three Things… written on a phone this week so…)
If I asked you how successful you are, what metric would you choose?
Your income?
Your productivity?
Your discipline?
Your ability to grind through another week?
Most men choose those metrics… because that’s what we’ve been taught success should look like.
But what if the real measure of your success is this:
How much play do you have in your life?
Not just leisure.
Not zoning out on the couch.
Not scrolling for escape.
I mean fun.
The unstructured, unselfconscious, slightly ridiculous fun you had as a kid.
The kind of fun that lights up your brain, shakes tension out of your body, and reconnects you to the world.
The kind of fun that… according to research keeps men emotionally alive, socially connected, and physically healthier.
We don’t stop playing because we grow old.
We grow old because we stop playing.
When Men Stop Having Fun, Here’s What Happens
When a man stops engaging in play:
Emotional wellbeing declines
Stress skyrockets
Loneliness expands
Creativity collapses
Irritability increases
Relationships suffer
Life feels heavy, mechanical, and isolating
A lack of fun is one of the most dangerous things men face.
It leads to emotional withdrawal, decreased vitality, numbing behaviors (work, alcohol, porn, junk food), decreased resilience, and even health issues linked with chronic stress.
Why Play Is a Biological, Psychological, and Spiritual Requirement
Men are animals… social, emotional, imaginative animals.
Play regulates the nervous system.
It lights up neural pathways essential for learning, creativity, emotional processing, and adaptability.
Kids learn this effortlessly.
Adults forget it intentionally.
And this forgetfulness costs us…deeply.
Three Reframes Men Need Right Now
1. Play is not childish… it’s courageous.
Play forces you beyond self-protection. It requires vulnerability, levity, and a willingness to look a little ridiculous.
That is courage.
2. Play reconnects you to who you actually are.
Before responsibility layered over everything…
Before performance swallowed your identity…
Before survival mode became your baseline…
Play was the natural state of your spirit.
It still is.
3. Play sharpens you.
Better creativity.
Better nervous system regulation.
Better relational connection.
Better mental health.
Better physical function.
Everything you say you want… strength, clarity, energy, purpose… gets amplified when you play.
Want to See This Come Alive? Watch this week’s episode of Men Talking Mindfulness…
🎥 Watch the video on YouTube:
🎧 Listen on Apple Podcasts:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/men-talking-mindfulness/id1536077981
🎧 Listen on Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/3kW9pp0aSCmjRUNGjLeHcF
No paywall break this week… enjoy playing!!
Three Deep-Dive Resources to Immediately Rebuild Play Into Your Life
Below are three incredibly thorough, practical, and transformative resources… each one a blueprint you can use this week to bring play back into your nervous system, your relationships, and your identity.
1. The Play Personality Framework (and How to Find Yours)
Psychologist Dr. Stuart Brown identifies 8 distinct “play personalities.”
Knowing yours is like rediscovering the operating system your adult self forgot you had.
Here’s a deeper breakdown and how to use it:
1. The Joker
Play through humor, silliness, mischief, improvisation.
Use it: Try playful exaggeration, friendly roasting, or creating silly rituals with friends or your kids.
2. The Kinesthete
Needs movement to feel alive…sports, dancing, physical games.
Use it: Low-stakes sports leagues, martial arts, rock climbing, or flow-state activities like frisbee or trail running.
3. The Explorer
Stimulated by discovery… ideas, places, experiences.
Use it: Take micro-adventures: new coffee shops, new routes home, new books, new classes. Exploration rewires your brain’s novelty circuits.
4. The Competitor
Plays to win… but not for ego; for connection and challenge.
Use it: Join poker nights, fantasy leagues, chess clubs, or pick-up games.
5. The Director
Loves organizing people, events, trips.
Use it: Plan group hikes, weekend retreats, or creative meetups.
6. The Collector
Finds joy in gathering interesting objects or experiences.
Use it: Build collections…vinyl, whiskey, watches, meaningful experiences.
7. The Artist/Creator
Play emerges through making… building, drawing, cooking, crafting.
Use it: Sign up for pottery, woodworking, garage DIY, photography.
8. The Storyteller
Play emerges in imagination, narrative, role-playing.
Use it: Journaling, improv classes, Dungeons & Dragons groups, writing groups.
2. The 10-Minute Daily Play Ritual (A Proven Nervous System Reset)
This daily practice integrates:
Polyvagal regulation
Creativity activation
Emotional decompression
Mindfulness
Here’s the exact protocol:
Step 1 — 2 minutes of “permission to be ridiculous”
Set a timer and do something intentionally silly:
Sing terribly
Make weird faces
Dance poorly
Speak in an accent
Shake your whole body
This drops you out of your “performer self.”
Step 2 — 3 minutes of spontaneous play
Choose an activity with no goal:
Doodle
Toss a ball
Hum
Move rhythmically
Build a small Lego creation
Toss a coin and make up a game
Your brain enters exploratory mode, shifting out of threat physiology.
Step 3 — 3 minutes of joy journaling
Write:
What felt fun about that?
What part of me came alive?
What did I feel in my body?
What might I do tomorrow?
This reinforces neural wiring and builds motivation.
Step 4 — 2-minute gratitude integration
Close your eyes and breathe slowly.
Identify one tiny moment of joy from the past 10 minutes.
You’ve just completed a full nervous system reset.
3. The “Zero F’s” Method for Social Play Expansion
The ability to drop self-consciousness, judgment, and performance… aka giving zero F’s!
Here’s the structured version you can use to build social confidence and fun:
Step 1 — Micro-Exposure to Embarrassment (30 seconds/day)
Practice small acts that break perfectionism:
Wear mismatched socks
Sing one line of a song out loud
Do a silly walk to your car
This desensitizes your fear of judgment.
Step 2 — Safe Play Zones
Create intentional play environments:
With your kids
With your partner
With close friends
With a coach/men’s group
These spaces build competence.
Step 3 — The 3x Weekly Play Challenge
Pick 3 micro-adventures/week:
Try a new workout
Attend an open mic
Go dancing
Join a men’s pickup league
Play mini-putt
Do improv games with your kids
Consistency rewires identity.
Step 4 — The Big Monthly Adventure
Every month, choose one slightly scary, play-driven activity:
Comedy class
Salsa lesson
Whitewater rafting
Spartan race
Live music dance floor
This is where aliveness returns.
This is where men rebuild courage.
This is where confidence gets remade from the inside out.
Until next time,
Jon Macaskill and Will Schneider
From Frogman Mindfulness and Men Talking Mindfulness
This might be one of the three most eye opening articles I have read this year. Thanks.