Tuesday Reset

The feeling lasts 90 seconds, the story you tell about it can last all day

My daughter slammed a door last week, and I felt the anger go off in my chest like a struck match. Instant. Hot. The first flare is just biology. What I did with it for the next hour, that was the problem.

Jill Bolte Taylor, a neuroanatomist who watched her own brain go down during a stroke, describes it like this. The chemical rush of an emotion moves through your body in about 90 seconds. Ninety. After that, the chemicals have cleared, and if you’re still furious, you’re re-firing it yourself, retelling the story that keeps the match lit. Somewhere in that hour the anger quietly became a choice, and I missed the handoff.

So the reset is simple and hard at the same time. When the wave hits, ride it without feeding it. 90 seconds. Feel the heat, don’t narrate it. Don’t build the case against them, don’t rehearse the speech. Breathe, and let the chemistry run its short course and pass.

It will feel a lot longer than 90 seconds while you’re in it. It’ll feel like it needs your anger to survive, which is the lie a hot nervous system broadcasts. Count it out if you have to. Most of the time the wave crests and drops and leaves you holding a choice instead of a reaction.

Respond instead of react. Feeding a feeling for an hour is the enemy. The feeling itself is just weather moving through.

I lose track of the 90 seconds constantly, usually about 4 minutes into rebuilding my case like a lawyer. Give yourself grace, notice you’re relighting it, and set the match down. It works more often than my pride wants to admit.

So what feeling have you been habitually relighting this week, long after the first 90 seconds were up?

Tomorrow, the small reps that keep you steady.

*Take a moment to find out when your nervous system is getting the best of you —> Take our FREE Awareness Self Assessment