A buddy texted me Wednesday. Just “how you doing, brother?” I typed “good, man, busy, you know how it is” and hit send before I’d even checked whether it was true.
It wasn’t, really. It had been a heavy week. But “I’m good” is the reflex, and we fire it off on autopilot.
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The military trained self-sufficiency into me for 24 years. Handle it yourself. Carry your own ruck, and then go carry someone else’s too. That served me on deployments. It has cost me at home.
Because the same reflex that makes you dependable also makes you alone. You get so good at being the one everyone leans on that you forget how to lean. You start believing that needing anything is weakness, and you white-knuckle your way through weeks you were never meant to carry solo.
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So here’s the debrief I’m running into the weekend, and I’d offer it to you.
Where did you say “I’m good” this week when you weren’t? And who could you actually tell the truth to this weekend, if you decided to?
You don’t get extra credit for suffering quietly. I keep having to relearn that one.
I texted my buddy back last night. The real answer this time. Took two sentences and a little swallowed pride. We’re grabbing coffee next week. That’s the whole win.
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Real strength is knowing what to set down and who to let in.
Who are you going to be honest with this weekend? Tell me here, or better yet, go tell them.
Monday I’ll be back with the Focus Check. For now, let something out.
Stay grounded with every breath…
Jon and Will, The Men Talking Mindfulness Podcast and Focus Now Training.
So very true. What does "I'm fine" really mean anyway?
My husband and i are both retired first responders. He still volunteers at it. I unfortunately was given a hard stop when i had a stroke. Rehab works--thats a whole other response. But this debrief hit home on more than one level. One I shouldn't feel guilty about telling the truth. Two, I shared it with my husband. I got the look only spouses can share. It hit home. And three, I started a second life writing romantic suspense novels--started as rehab after a steroid induced dream. My current WIP fits this debrief hook, line and sinker. This tightened my character arc. Thank you for all of the above. Oh and last but not least FINE. That's perfection.