A buddy texted me last week out of nowhere. Just “you around?” We ended up on the phone for 40 minutes. Nothing was wrong exactly, he needed a human who already knew him. After we hung up I sat there realizing how rare that call has gotten, for him and for me both.
There’s a number on this worth knowing. The Survey Center on American Life found the share of men with no close friends at all climbed from 3% in 1990 to 15% by 2021. Five times as many of us, alone. Back in 1990 most men said they had 6 or more close friends. By 2021 that had been cut roughly in half.
That’s self-sufficiency’s longest bill, and it comes due slow. We pour everything into work and providing and being the guy everyone else leans on, and we let the friendships starve because keeping them up felt optional. Then one hard night lands, and the strongest guy in the room finds out he has nobody to dial.
So this is the Friday debrief, and this one is about your bench.
Who is my 2am call, the person I could phone in the actual middle of the night with no explanation and no shame?
And the harder one: am I that person for anybody, and when did I last make it easy for someone to reach me?
Friendships run on reps too, the boring maintenance kind. A text that just says “you around.” A call with no agenda. You keep a friendship the same way you keep anything that matters, by showing up for it before you need it.
So who are you reaching out to this weekend, no reason required?
And if a name came to you while you read this, don’t sit on it. Text him today.
And this one is today. Will and I are in Charlotte right now for Warrior Defined, a full day on men’s mental health. If you’re anywhere close, come find us and take in the rest of the lineup: https://warriordefined.com
If you want a private starting point for your own head right now, our free Focus Score is a quick, quiet check on where your attention and steadiness stand.