In the teams, guys would talk about medals. Which awards they could put in for, for themselves or for their men. And I had a line I used so often people probably got sick of hearing it: just because you can get it doesn’t mean you should.
It took me a lot of years to turn that one around on myself.
For most of my career, and a good while after it, my whole operating system was “I can handle this.” And I could. I could carry a lot, so I carried all of it, and I made sure nobody saw how heavy it had gotten. I had capability confused with capacity. Just because I could carry it didn’t mean I should.
There are 2 versions of that guy, and they look the same from the outside. Self-sufficient says, “I can handle this.” Self-contained says, “I won’t let anybody see this.” The first one gets a lot done. The second one ends up alone in a full house.
One of my favorite books is The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse, by Charlie Mackesy. It’s mostly drawings. The boy asks the horse what the bravest thing he’s ever said is, and the horse says, “Help.”
I think about that horse more than a retired SEAL probably should.
So here’s the debrief. 4 questions, and they work better written down than answered in your head, where you can fudge them.
What did I carry this week that was mine to carry?
What did I pick up that belonged to somebody else, or to nobody?
Who saw how my week really went? Anybody?
What’s one thing I can set down before Monday, and who do I need to tell?
Number 4 has 2 halves on purpose. Setting something down in private is still doing it alone. Telling one person is the part that counts, and it’s the part I’d skip if you let me.
I’m still not good at number 3. Most weeks the answer is shorter than I’d like.
Which of those 4 was hardest for you to answer?
Monday, we aim your attention before the week does it for you.
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