My kids have had their Halloween costumes picked out for 3 weeks and keep changing their minds. It’s the best, watching them try on who they want to be for a night. And somewhere in all that excitement I realized a lot of grown men are wearing a costume too, and ours doesn’t come off Saturday night.
The costume is “I’m good” and “I’ve got it handled.” We put it on every morning without thinking, and we get so good at wearing it that people stop asking what’s underneath. Which is exactly what we told ourselves we wanted, right up until it gets lonely as hell under there.
The reason the mask stays glued on is a quiet fear. We don’t really believe the people around us want the real version, the tired one, the one who doesn’t have it handled. So we hand them the costume and call it protecting them, when what we’re protecting is the fear that the real face would be too much.
So this is the Friday debrief, two honest questions as the costumes come out.
What’s the mask I put on every morning, and who am I most afraid would see me without it?
Who in my life has clearly earned the real version of me, and have I ever actually given it to them?
The people who love you didn’t sign up for the costume. They signed up for you. Taking the mask off in front of one safe person this weekend will not cost you their respect. More often than not, it’s the thing that finally lets them all the way in.
So whose face do you get to stop performing for this weekend?
Next week we’re back, Monday with the new episode and Tuesday with a reset.
And if you want a quiet, private place to start, our free Focus Score is a quick read on where your attention and steadiness stand right now.
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