Someone offered to help me carry something this week and my first word, before I even thought about it, was “no.” Pure reflex. I had it. I didn’t need anybody. Then I spent the next 2 hours doing alone what would have taken 20 minutes with a second set of hands, and quietly called that discipline.
I’ve done this my whole life. Ran teams where I’d redo a guy’s work at 11pm instead of coaching him through it, because asking felt like admitting I couldn’t hold it all myself. I once led an organization of around 2,500 people and still caught myself trying to personally carry things a smarter man would have handed off before lunch. For what it’s worth, the stretch where I led 3 guys underwater was easier. Fewer people to keep up the act for.
That’s the quiet cost of self-sufficiency. Somewhere back there a lot of us learned that needing help disqualifies us, so we white-knuckle everything and call the exhaustion a virtue. It reads as strength right up until it walls you off from every person who would gladly grab the other end.
So this is the Friday debrief, two honest questions.
What am I carrying alone this week purely because asking for help felt like losing?
Who has offered me a hand and gotten a reflexive “no,” when the truth is I could use it?
Letting someone in is the stronger rep, and the harder one. You were never built to be a one-man everything. The people around you aren’t standing there waiting for you to prove you don’t need them. Most of them are just waiting to be asked.
So who could you let help you this weekend, if you were willing to be caught needing it?
Next week the schedule shifts a little. Mondays now bring that week’s new podcast episode, and I’ll see you Tuesday for the reset.
One more thing. Next Friday, September 25, Will and I will be in Charlotte for Warrior Defined, a full day built around men’s mental health. If you’re anywhere near the Queen City, come find us and take in the rest of the lineup: https://warriordefined.com
And if you want a quiet, private read on where you stand right now, our free Focus Score takes about 5 minutes and hands you your number.
Take your Focus Score: https://focusnowtraining.com/focus-score